Can It Really Be Wednesday Again?

Gallivanting Photographer Somehow, I feel my life is slipping away so fast. The days just seem to fly by. Is it because we don't stop and smell the roses anymore. We just rush to work, rush to this appointment and that appointment, rush here and rush there...... And we want everything NOW! We don't want to wait for anything. When I was growing up, we looked forward to summer cause we were going to go swimming, play ballgames with the neighborhood kids, ride our bikes. As teenagers, we didn't all have jobs. Therefore, we didn't need a car until at least graduation (if we were lucky, which I wasn't). If we wanted to go someplace, we borrowed the family car. Most families only had one car. Now, every member of the family from the time they reach 16 have a car and they are going in opposite directions of each other. There is no family anymore. If we were lucky to get a car, it was usually an older car that needed fixing up. And we were proud to get that. Now, a teenager has to have a brand new car. So, what is there to look forward to in life anymore? If you get everything right when you are young, there is nothing to get excited over for the rest of your life. Now, kids think they get married and automatically should be given a new house. That's something you work for and save for. And, if you get a new house, you sure can't put used furniture in it - gotta get the new stuff! Nobody is satisfied anymore. How on earth did I get off on this subject? Just listening to people talk, I guess.

So enough of that! We had a pretty good safety meeting this morning. We're 22 days away from going a full year without an accident. That's pretty awesome in our kind of work. Did I happen to mention that I'm starring in a music video that was written and directed and produced by Calvin Gann of the Gann Brothers? Yep, Calvin works with me and he wrote a song for our Target Zero safety program and asked for volunteers to sing in the video - the TargetZero Quartet + 12. Since I do sing a little, I thought it would be fun. And it was. We all sang the chorus, while Calvin sang the whole song and there was a video of a lot of other people just doing their jobs. It came out last month and is being seen all over the Southern Company. Calvin did a great job. We got a copy of the video with all the outtakes. Some were pretty funny.

Didn't get to get out at lunch because a rep from Merrill-Lynch was meeting with us at lunch to go over the types of investments we can make with our 401K's. I've always put all my money in Southern Co. stock and found out today that that is not the way to go. You should never put more than 20% in the company you work for. Look what happened to those poor Enron employees. They were only allowed to invest in their company and it just happened to be number 6 in the top 100 companies. But, they fell fast and furious and those people lost everything. Diversify!!! So, I've got to sit down and make some changes with my stock plan. I really don't understand this type of stuff. Just hope I make the right decision.

Since I didn't get to go to lunch, Randy brought me some back from Big Mama's. Oh my gosh!!! If you want good home cooking Southern style, there is no place in Bay County that can come close to Big Mama's. He brought me back fried chicken, rice and gravy, corn, zipper peas and cornbread. I wasn't able to eat it all, but I tried. It was so good, but I wasn't fit for anything the rest of the day. I was so sleepy. I've been there before and had country-fried steak, collards, fried okra and peach cobbler for dessert. They give you so much food that I usually can't eat it all. And everything on the menu is good.

Tabitha still hasn't found a babysitter for Hope. She tried to get her in Headstart, but they make too much money. They are barely making minimum wage and that's too much. She is supposed to start back to college next week. We are praying that the right person is out there and we will find them.

Vance worked on my car, so I drove his truck to church. We had an awesome service. Mrs. Sandi preached and the altars filled up for healing of broken hearts, depression, past abuses. Tabitha and I were the first to hit the altars. I believe something was broken off me tonight. Past hurts have just kept me beat down, not being able to believe in myself, always seeing the glass as half empty. I could never set goals for myself, because I was so afraid of failure. And because I was afraid of failure, I always managed to fail at the things I tried to do. I think I sabotaged everything to make it fail. I've never been able to accept compliments very well. People tell me I take great pictures. I think my pictures are so-so. I never felt like I was a good enough mother to my sons or wife to my husband. (I must have done something right, my husband still loves me after 34 years and my sons still love me.) Even when I met my goal at L.A. Weight Loss and lost 55 lbs. and was wearing a size 8, I looked in the mirror and saw myself as being fat. So, what did I do? I gained it all back. But that is all over with! As of tonight, I am going to start seeing myself as beautiful; I'm going to lose this weight and keep it off and I'm going to believe in myself as a photographer. Who knows, I might even be able to sell some photos one day. You know, I had a dream one night that I was in a gallery in New York on opening night of a showing of my photographs. I was thin, dressed in a long black, fitted gown with my hair piled on top of my head and people were raving about my work and paying a lot of money to buy the framed photos. That dream has stuck with me for over 15 years. It is just as vivid in my imagination as it was when I woke up from dreaming it. You just never know........maybe one day.

I have to take Daddy to the doctor tomorrow at 4:00. I hope we get through in time for me to get to kickboxing at 5:30, then I've got to rush home for a shower and be at church at 7:15. Mrs. Sandi is starting a 6-week series on "Battlefield of the Mind." She actually did the ground work tonight and that's why so many people went to the altar. We can see how the battle is in our mind and we need to get healed and get on with what God has purposed for our lives. I'm looking forward to the series. I wish Tabitha could go, but she works on Thursday nights. We'll just have to give her the tapes.

Well, I've got to get to bed. Maybe that's why I've rambled to much tonight. I'm still tired from that big lunch. I didn't eat much for supper, cause I was still full from lunch.

Good night and God bless.........